time heals

i was in the shower earlier

and started to write a poem in my mind

i was soo excited about it

i came into my room and wrote the first part down 

so that i wouldnt forget it...

i went into the living room and got the lap top

came back to my dark bedroom and signed on...

sat here searching for a picture to post with my poem...

because may is the month that i pretty much lost and regained my life

i wanted to blog about my pill addiction 

so looking through multiple pictures of pills to post with this

i didnt think that they would bother me

but 

i began to crave them

like

my mouth watered at the sight of a percocet

so the wheels in my head started spinning

like f***

and i started to feel the burning sensation in my veins

i was told that withdrawal symptoms last up to a year

its almost been that year

and cutting off the leg that i leaned on with pills

has left me with a phantom pain that i think will last forever

i talked to a dr some time in the winter

when withdrawals were unbearable

eating me alive

i was told that the chances of me beating addiction alone were slim

and that its possible that the withdrawals could kill me if i dont get the proper help

but its almost summer

and although i cant honestly say that i have lived pill free for almost a year

i can say that i am alive 

and im not popping 30 pills a day

im not even popping one

i have my occasional slip up with a percocet now and then 

but no xanax,soma,oxy,codine,promethozine,vicoden, etc...

i am someone who lost it all

but its when i lost it all 

that i realized that i had it all 

and now

i appreciate what i had

today

i accept my loss

because if i didnt lose

id be stuck in a life 

that i never really wanted

instead of creating a future

that is "it all"

in my eyes.

i am addicted to the things that make me better

but still withdrawaling from the things that dont

all i need is time.