Addiction...

YOUR
KISSES
ARE
LIKE
MY
GATEWAY
DRUG
I BEGIN
WITH A KISS
AND I FEIN...for more...
Damn.

monster under my bed

you're like the monster that's under my bed
i cant see you but i know that you're there
hiding.. waiting..wanting.. laughing...
i hide under my sheets so you cant grab me

you're like the monster hiding in my closet
you like to wait there when the lights go out
and when they turn off you stare at me quietly
and i act like i dont know that youre eye'n me

youre like the monster that wont go away
the monster that no one believes exist
but everyone is in denial
because everyone has seen your light
but nobody wants to ever meet you twice

youre like the monster we cannot forget
because everywhere we go a part of you exist
every time its dark we feel something behind us
and we feel a little shook when u find us

youre the monster that never attacks
but the damage is more painful subconsciously
our thoughts kill us more and you reside in our minds
therefore this monster will never die
the end of love.

im an a**!!!

"There are two kinds of people
There are the people that are like Chores
And there are people that are like Hobbies"

I'm too into myself to worry about
Someone that I know won't make it into my future
I apologize for my lack of passion and desire
But most people dont even scratch my surface.
Its a deep dig through a whole lot of brick to only get
To a concrete heart and your shovels just don't cut it
You my Love, were just a chore. Clean your act up and
Forget that I exist because you were outta my mind as soon as
You were outta my sight

I'm an arrogant a**hole. I don't care anymore.
If I love you, you have my world.
If not, you don't even have my attention.

"be humble... bakuz f u act too hard you might crumble...
everybody drops the ball when they juggle... you can pick it up or just let it roll... but dont kick it Stina"

STFU conscious!
I hate chores...

: (

my mind is racing but its blank
everything is just a blur
no, i don't remember last night
because i know that you'll just remind me
i'm sorry if i seem numb
but thats what happens when you lose love
i swear ill never be the same
so i just spend time with the new me
i consume me
my thoughts, my feelings, my actions
my heart, my soul, my mind
my existence...
im in the center of my own storm
blinded by the people,my ego,my pride,my issues,my hurt,my hate, my past,my future,ambitions,goals and dreams surround me
spin around me
lift me up
and drop me
the world is in my hands
but i cant cant control the weather
its falling apart
and im just waiting the the crash
because i lost control
and i lost myself
...now i cant find you
but i run from you so that i can save me from myself

stop

dear love,
how could we be at this point?
can we lower our hands
and listen to what our heart speaks?
stop in the heat of the moment and distract our minds
so that we can breathe the correct things?
confusion is destructive
numbness is fatal
unfortunately we are at a point where we cant believe everything we hear
but we're here
yes love,
unconditionally
word.
because if it weren't such a thing
there would be footprints where we stand
and we wouldn't be
nothing but the past
infinity wasn't broken
forever is... us
we need time apart
but we dont want to be without
please dont fly away from me
please dont hate me for everything that we've done
i reacted unexpectedly
to actions that weren't expected
and the same for you
forgive me.
i'm confused
but i do love you.
and you know it

Fame

Dear piano
Strings
From the heart of the drum
The vital function of my organs
My existance is platKNUMB
Record my screams
Record my cries
And the pain in my voice
You came to see my show
The best song was the beautiful mistake
Made of me
Tear me apart
Applaud my reaction to your performance
Smile in the spotlight
The crowd loves me
Breathe melodies
Breathe melodies
.... Breathe melodies
I am no longer the star
Breathe...
No more hits
Breathe...
Someone else stole my show
Stop...

untitled

we can stay in
you can be todays outfit and wrap around my body all day
i would even love the reflection of you
i'd pray everyday for rainfall
just so we can play in the puddles together

nthesm

Someone took my breath
But Suffocate me please
Reality is false
So take me to my dreams

I don't have dreams
I don't even exist


I am just your puppet
But I don't wanna play
I tried to win you back
But Love isn't a game

I don't know how to love
I don't even feel

Love is real.
Painful.

Just Fukkin Thoughts...

In a place I don't belong
Scared and tortured by temptation and love
Can't spell the difference between Reason and reasons
Cant sound out the pronunciation of emotions
Scared and alone loud screams and exhaustion, delusion, illusions
The death of a feeling and birth of denial
The constant chatter between consciences
The actions because of misunderstood and irrational thoughts
The confusion
The pain
The internal and external fight
The fight to live
Breathe,drink,eat,sleep,talk...
The fight to walk away
The fight to stay
the heartache
How am I still alive
Am I still alive?
The definition of death
the act of dying; the end of life; the total and permanent cessation of all the vital functions of an organism
Am I still alive?
Alive: having life; living; existing; not dead or lifeless
Have I ever lived?

Empty... This is me.

Bein with u is like drinkin out of an empty cup
I stare at u n wish you were full of somethin else
Painting my emotions for you doesn't take anything
Because it'll remain a blank canvas
Damn...
A moment of silence for the death of somethin that hasn't even begun
You don't even get to stay until mourning
What am I doin here anyway?
I am always just heartbeat away
But reflection nobody gets to catch
Waitin for u to go
Then I'm alone
So I'm waitin for you to come back
Only bc I'm lonely
Lungs breathe air from a tragic symphony
I sit silently and nod off questions that u ask as you politely try n get to know me
What do u all see in me?
Am I inside out?
I see u from the inside out
And I will never know what it looks like from the outside in
So stop askin me to
I don't love you
Not even the idea
You kinda make me sick to my stomach
But ill pretend that its butterflies
And I promise to make the best of it
Get the fuck outta my face
But kiss me before you go
Because I won't miss you...
I will in fact miss you
Over look you
Forget to reply
And still won't when I remember
This is me... Numb...
Honestly
Numb
I feel you... But ill never feel you
Ill remain empty.. But you say I fill you
I apologize for not bein sorry
I'm numb.
Call me
Ill ignore it
Then ill call you
And ill have you come remind me
Because I know you haven't forgotten

ode

Swim deep In silence
Inhale tears
Drown in broken love
You have me by the tip of my soul
Your hand prints are proof that you are the one that kept my heart beating
I need you.
But you cant have me.
And I want you.
But you …. Have to leave
I fell again.
Face down into my own puddle of fear
I was flying for so long
Now im dying so low..
Solo
I don’t even have me
You want to give me back
But I don’t want me… I want you
My empty hands, they grasp nothing
I have lost grip
The birds have flown
Better silence than songs
Numbness fills me..
Because your absence kills me.
Buried alive… love.
Dies.
I am a shell.
Once captivated
Now vacant.

love(sick)

my love is poison
i feel like i sucked the life out of you to bring me to life
damn.
love isnt the same because it cant be
i have to block out the thought of you
and hold my breath when you are around
selfishly i cant continue because it kills me
im suffocating
i love you
i cant help it
its cancer
im dying
there isnt a cure for this
but im going to survive
even tho i cant live
even tho i cant live
youre strong
congratulations
you broke my wall of berlin
and shredded my iron curtain
i am exposed
and i cant handle these elements
how could i nazi? (not see)
why does that matter?
the only thing that matters is everything i dont have
which means that i take for granted everything that i do
im sorry
im only human.
im love sick

a song i wrote in my head

Everything is slipping away....

Cement heart and liquid brain...

Held on tight to the doubt and fear...

And lost grip through the sweat and the tears...

Love drips down and dries into air...

We hold our ground but the past isnt here...

Close my eyes and hold on to the times...

And the moments that passed when it was just you and I...

Perfection was a pleasent storm that quickly passed...

Reaching into the sky for another cloud to grasp...

Will we ever know?

The harder you fall the harder you land.

losing grip.

this quote sucks... but its true.

"some people think its holding on that makes you strong,

sometimes its letting go"

The Glass House

"fuck this window" I said

as i through the stone.

starring at the damage i've done

admiration turned into confusion

then confusion turned into regret

because i just threw a stone

through my glass house

"now who the hell is going to pay for this?" i thought to myself

i looked around...

i looked down and saw my reflection starring back at me through the broken peices

then i looked to the left

and saw my shadow

stupid ass didnt even open her eyes and look back at me.

what the hell is the point of this story?

dont be so shallow.

- illusions and confusion.

Aspiration Theory

"High Aspirations Breeds Frustration,

Frustration Breeds Motivation

Motivation Pushes Action

Action Breeds Confidence &

Confidence is Cumulative"

illusions and confusion (a collection of thoughts)

love is an optical illusion

its like walking through a maze of mirrors

my love is amazing

so amazing that my heart wouldn't keep it (too good for my own good?)

is it an extra heartbeat im missing

or

fresher breath

or

turning this anxiety back into a butterfly?

what am i missing?

everything that completes me is found within you

but

what is this void

why is it that we think this isnt meant to be

when all we believed is we were meant for each other?

why cant i do this?

is it just fear?

i cant write poetry or music

all i can sing is you

a song i cant seem to get tired of

my favorite love...song

i dont understand

everything is supposed to be black and white

and it is

but its an illusion

: (

sometimes.

and when i came from nothin

i stood for somethin

sometimes suffering

and sometimes healed

but what is great about the hill

when its next to a mountain?

what difference does a tear drop make

in a desert full of turmoil?

sometimes lost

so please do not follow

unless the tic of your heartbeat

has the time.. forever.

sometimes this flame

becomes the inferno of frustration

and its hard to breathe the smoke

and inhale this form of communication

although it is the burning truth

the confusion and the energy is devestating

sometimes life is a natural disaster

sometimes that disaster creates the most beautiful

sights to see...

i have found my 8th wonder..

i wonder if anyone sees the wonders in me.

free wind

its beautiful today

the weather and i can relate... because im cool

nothin like inhaling a deep breath of wind

and taking in all that it carries with it..

lol, phoenix.. i know its probably bad

but it feels good sometimes.

and while im lost in that moment, there isnt a worry in the world

its like it carries the stress out of my heart

and the thoughts that are trapped in my mind are free

soul rejuvenation.

and while my eyes are closed, i can be anywhere i want to be

today, like most days, i want to be at the beach

probably hesitating to jump in the water

then finally taking a dive

or

writing my name in the sand

to let the world know that i was there

or

taking pictures of the same ol' thing

like i have never been there or seen anything like it before

or just laying on the shore line

and welcoming the cold salty water just as the waves calm

on the sand and retreat back into the ocean

ahhh... (smiles)

one day soon beach

i wont have to close my eyes and imagine me being there

i will open my eyes

and i will be there.

grinds my gears 3

you know what REALLY grinds my gears???

RAPPERS.

especially "GANGSTER" rappers

Even my once favorite rappers

Jim Jones

Lil Wayne

The Game

These 3 rappers were rappers that claim to be "BLOODS"

now, where im from, a blood and a crip are rivals

you wont see a blood wearing blue and you wont see a crip wearin red

thats like a jew wearing nazi junk

now, these 3 rappers claim to be the "realest n****'s"

but whats real about you disrespecting the red flag by wearin all that blue??

these rappers aren't real when it comes to bangin

gang bangin is 90's..

these rappers are as fake as the music they make

skinny jeans?? WTF lil wayne??

jim jones makin that bubble gum rap (f*** your hustle)

maybe you aint makin money because people know youre fake

and the game

where do i start with you

one blood was the name of your song...

then youre in a video rokkin a royal blue hat and shirt

then you get the butterfly tattoo on your eye

who cares right??

but instead of standin up to everyone givin you sh** about it, you wanna go n cover it up with a

LA symbol...

you b****.

yal suck industry d*** just so that money cum

sell outs.

YAL KILLED HIP HOP TOO.

stop claimin what you're not so that the world will like you.

but yal did do one thing....

you set an example...

you're everything i tell my nephew not to be.. FAKE.

and its funny because all these lil fake a** n****s follow your lead.

yal were my favorite rappers... now yal aint sh**.